Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
My Target Heart Rate
Looks like I should be around 145-158 bpm when I workout.
Or 37-39 beats per 15 seconds.
Or 37-39 beats per 15 seconds.
Friday, January 26, 2007
January 26, 2007
10:00 am 240 lbs. That's 4 lbs. since last Friday. 8 lbs. total.
Focus on: Boys' birthday parties coming up. Spring.
Don't cheat just because it's the weekend.
Focus on: Boys' birthday parties coming up. Spring.
Don't cheat just because it's the weekend.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Self awareness
I'm so tired of people judging me.
I am an excellent mother. If they only knew.
I know everyone thinks they had a "bad childhood," but damnit, I did. It freaking sucked. There was so much going on that when it was all said and done I left my "parent's" house with no life skills.
I've learned way more from my husband and his family than I ever learned from my parents. Well, let me take that back. Let's see. In the house were I grew up. I learned how to be greedy, self-centered, materialistic, judgmental, spoiled, rude, dependent, abrasive, controlling, two-faced, and the list could go on.
My 20's were spent in the real world figuring out that behavior like that just doesn't fly. I became a wife at 25-yay. I became a mother at 27 and 29 again-yay.
Now at 30, I'm working hard, and I'm going to clean up the rest of the loose ends. I am and will be a good example to my kids. Thank God I'm aware of this now while they're little rather than figure it out when they're 12 and 14 or something. When my babies are grown and ready to leave I will be sure that they had the best of me. I will be sure that they have the life skills needed to function properly, and that they will not be what I was when I left home at 18 to take on the world.
It's more than just the weight.
I am an excellent mother. If they only knew.
I know everyone thinks they had a "bad childhood," but damnit, I did. It freaking sucked. There was so much going on that when it was all said and done I left my "parent's" house with no life skills.
I've learned way more from my husband and his family than I ever learned from my parents. Well, let me take that back. Let's see. In the house were I grew up. I learned how to be greedy, self-centered, materialistic, judgmental, spoiled, rude, dependent, abrasive, controlling, two-faced, and the list could go on.
My 20's were spent in the real world figuring out that behavior like that just doesn't fly. I became a wife at 25-yay. I became a mother at 27 and 29 again-yay.
Now at 30, I'm working hard, and I'm going to clean up the rest of the loose ends. I am and will be a good example to my kids. Thank God I'm aware of this now while they're little rather than figure it out when they're 12 and 14 or something. When my babies are grown and ready to leave I will be sure that they had the best of me. I will be sure that they have the life skills needed to function properly, and that they will not be what I was when I left home at 18 to take on the world.
It's more than just the weight.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Hump Day
Today has been a hectic day for me. I've not been able to exercise, and I didn't start my food journal yet like I'd planned. Will try to get some exercise after the babies get to bed. My jeans are feeling loose today. I would weigh myself, but I'm trying to do that only on Friday mornings.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
January 23, 2007
9:10 am 30 minutes modified Taebo Advanced
I'm confused about the calories I'm supposed to be burning. I found a calculator online. I'm still nursing my baby. And from what I've heard that's supposed to burn 500 calories a day. But it just doesn't add up. That with my exercise should be plenty of calories burned compared to what I've been eating. I didn't want to because it's such a pain, but I guess I'll have to begin a journal everything I eat. Blah.
I'm confused about the calories I'm supposed to be burning. I found a calculator online. I'm still nursing my baby. And from what I've heard that's supposed to burn 500 calories a day. But it just doesn't add up. That with my exercise should be plenty of calories burned compared to what I've been eating. I didn't want to because it's such a pain, but I guess I'll have to begin a journal everything I eat. Blah.
Monday, January 22, 2007
January 22, 2007
11:30 am, 60 minutes playing with son in the snow
At about 11:15 I sent my two year old into the family room to watch cartoons so I could workout. I started my Taebo tape and started feeling guilty. He kept coming back in the room and watching me. He looked bored. Earlier, he had asked to go play outside in the snow. At the time we couldn't because his brother was awake, but now he was taking his morning nap. So, I decided I'd turn off the VCR and head out with bubby. I would try and get as much exercise outside with him as I could. That's what we did. After all, he needs the exercise too.
At about 11:15 I sent my two year old into the family room to watch cartoons so I could workout. I started my Taebo tape and started feeling guilty. He kept coming back in the room and watching me. He looked bored. Earlier, he had asked to go play outside in the snow. At the time we couldn't because his brother was awake, but now he was taking his morning nap. So, I decided I'd turn off the VCR and head out with bubby. I would try and get as much exercise outside with him as I could. That's what we did. After all, he needs the exercise too.
Friday, January 19, 2007
Friday Thoughts
Working on the urge to eat just because it's the weekend.
My short term focus point is the boys' birthday parties coming up.
I need to just go to bed hungry like I used to.
January 19, 2007
9:30 am 244 lbs. Ok, baby steps. 14 lbs. to get to my prepregnancy weight, and to the next size down.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
I'm really not a negative person
I have such food issues.
I've only recently begun to figure out how this has happened. I've noticed how my mom treats my son. (I know, blame it on your parents, blah, blah) Every time he gets upset or is feeling bored she asks him if he wants something to eat. She does her husband the same way...actually all of the family. When it comes to my kid I have to tell her repeatedly that he has eaten or is about to eat a meal. He doesn't need anything. Or, if he's hungry he can have grapes/fruit/something healthy/you get the idea. Constantly, I'm having to do this. And she'll still slip him a cookie in the kitchen when she thinks I'm not looking. She really sees nothing wrong with it. Either that, or it's just habit.
Then, I'm over at my Grandma's house, and it's the same way. "Ooohh, he hurt himself, want some ice cream honey?" Well now what kid is gonna turn down ice cream? And what kid isn't gonna pick up on this habit very quickly? He's only two, but he's already on to them. I'm sure. We don't even keep ice cream in the house. We've managed to rid the house of junk and keep it all healthy since he started eating "big boy food."
I went and picked him up the other night after he'd been at Mom's only for a few hours. She goes, "he's been eating nonstop." Ok, I fed him before he came over. He's not hungry. Is there no time that can pass without food?
So, I'm thinking back on my history. Basically, every diet I've ever been on goes straight out the window if I get sick, hurt, go through something difficult, etc. And if I'm not on a diet at the time I just "treat" myself with something even more rich or fatty as if it's because I "deserve it."
Now, I've been around for a while-why am I just seeing this for the first time? And, AND what am I gonna do about my family?
I've only recently begun to figure out how this has happened. I've noticed how my mom treats my son. (I know, blame it on your parents, blah, blah) Every time he gets upset or is feeling bored she asks him if he wants something to eat. She does her husband the same way...actually all of the family. When it comes to my kid I have to tell her repeatedly that he has eaten or is about to eat a meal. He doesn't need anything. Or, if he's hungry he can have grapes/fruit/something healthy/you get the idea. Constantly, I'm having to do this. And she'll still slip him a cookie in the kitchen when she thinks I'm not looking. She really sees nothing wrong with it. Either that, or it's just habit.
Then, I'm over at my Grandma's house, and it's the same way. "Ooohh, he hurt himself, want some ice cream honey?" Well now what kid is gonna turn down ice cream? And what kid isn't gonna pick up on this habit very quickly? He's only two, but he's already on to them. I'm sure. We don't even keep ice cream in the house. We've managed to rid the house of junk and keep it all healthy since he started eating "big boy food."
I went and picked him up the other night after he'd been at Mom's only for a few hours. She goes, "he's been eating nonstop." Ok, I fed him before he came over. He's not hungry. Is there no time that can pass without food?
So, I'm thinking back on my history. Basically, every diet I've ever been on goes straight out the window if I get sick, hurt, go through something difficult, etc. And if I'm not on a diet at the time I just "treat" myself with something even more rich or fatty as if it's because I "deserve it."
Now, I've been around for a while-why am I just seeing this for the first time? And, AND what am I gonna do about my family?
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Having a bad day
I get so mad sometimes when I have to workout. Like, really mad...pissed! I'm always grumpy when I'm on a diet, and having to exercise makes it worse. I'm exhausted! I really just want to go sleep when I get a chance to do something for myself...NOT WORKOUT! Besides, how do I even know if it's working....ugh! I'm so dang tired.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Reasons why
I want to be healthier and fit..
...for my kids
...for trips to the park
...for my 31st birthday
...so I can have more energy
...for pictures
...for vacations
...for shopping trips
...so I can work hard
...so it doesn't have to be either smoke or be fat
...so I can wear my old favorite clothes
...so I can live long
...so I don't feel weird eating in public
...so I don't make myself diabetic
...so I can wear my old tank tops
...so I can borrow my husband's clothes
...so I can play with my future grandkids
...so I can wear a swimsuit
...so I can keep up with my own kids
...so I can set a good example
...at my kids' future school functions
...so I don't have to obsess about my weight
...at my husband's work parties
...so people don't make fun of me or my kids
...so I can relax a little more
...and stay that way
...for my kids
...for trips to the park
...for my 31st birthday
...so I can have more energy
...for pictures
...for vacations
...for shopping trips
...so I can work hard
...so it doesn't have to be either smoke or be fat
...so I can wear my old favorite clothes
...so I can live long
...so I don't feel weird eating in public
...so I don't make myself diabetic
...so I can wear my old tank tops
...so I can borrow my husband's clothes
...so I can play with my future grandkids
...so I can wear a swimsuit
...so I can keep up with my own kids
...so I can set a good example
...at my kids' future school functions
...so I don't have to obsess about my weight
...at my husband's work parties
...so people don't make fun of me or my kids
...so I can relax a little more
...and stay that way
Friday, January 12, 2007
January 12, 2007
Oh puke. 8:45 am. 248 lbs. That's after a week of diet and exercise. I'm not giving up....just that much more work to do.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
January 11, 2007
2:30 pm 40 minutes modified Taebo Advanced
Ok, so here's the short version: the network has been down around here.
Basically, "modified" Taebo Advanced is my definition for--I had a couple interruptions from the kids or I fast-forwarded through some parts to get to the good parts (usually because one of the babies is crying/needs me).
I haven't been on the scale since last October when I lost 10 lbs. before going to Florida. I had way too many treats over the holidays, and I can pretty much guess I'm at 240 lbs. right now. I will weigh tomorrow morning, and we'll see for sure. Yuck!
Short history: I've done this already once before...I've lost 100 lbs. and gained it back...now we're back after having two babies in two years. BLAH! (not the babies, the weight)
More when I have time...
Ok, so here's the short version: the network has been down around here.
Basically, "modified" Taebo Advanced is my definition for--I had a couple interruptions from the kids or I fast-forwarded through some parts to get to the good parts (usually because one of the babies is crying/needs me).
I haven't been on the scale since last October when I lost 10 lbs. before going to Florida. I had way too many treats over the holidays, and I can pretty much guess I'm at 240 lbs. right now. I will weigh tomorrow morning, and we'll see for sure. Yuck!
Short history: I've done this already once before...I've lost 100 lbs. and gained it back...now we're back after having two babies in two years. BLAH! (not the babies, the weight)
More when I have time...
Thursday, January 4, 2007
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